I stood in line, waiting to fill my cup with Diet Dr. Pepper.  Why Diet Coke isn’t an available option at all eating establishments is beyond me…

So cup in one hand, cinnamon roll as large as my head in the other, I wait my turn and silently ask God where he is.  Not where He is, but where “he” is.  This man of mystery I have yet to meet.  This man who will one day steal my heart and my left ring finger.  Where is he?

Cubes of ice fill my cup and I hear Him answer.  “Right where he’s supposed to be….just as you are right where you are supposed to be.”

The truth is, I’ve started to wonder if he’s really out there.  Perhaps more-so lately.  Because it’s always my hope around this time of year that next year will be different.

And the years go by, and soon I will no longer be in my mid-thirties.  I don’t even want to say the words “late thirties” out loud.

I think back to the time I was 18 years old and my Pastor spoke what I believe to be a prophetic word over me.  “I know the one I have for you,” he said.  Fast forward over 10 years later to my mother’s vision of me in a wedding dress.  And a year after that, to an encounter with a man from Israel who told me, “He is coming.  He will not be what you thought you always wanted, but he will love and respect you.”

Yes, I believe in prophecy and visions and dreams.  I believe in the un-explainable…those things hidden from the human eye.  And regardless of what each of us believes surrounding the supernatural, I think we know if we’re meant for singleness or marriage.  Don’t we?

However, I would be lying to you if I said my hope was unwavering.  It’s actually hanging on by a thread if I’m being completely honest.  Because time is passing and nothing is happening.

I want to be content.  My heart desires to be like that of the Apostle Paul’s when he says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Philippians 4:12)

And I do know the secret, as he says.  I know Jesus and I know he is the answer to all of my longing and desire.  I want that to be enough.  I know he is enough…

Yet, it feels as if someone is missing from my life.  It feels like there’s a part of me out there somewhere.  A part of my heart that’s wrapped in skin, walking around and breathing in and out.

Trying to reconcile unanswered prayers isn’t the easiest.  Probably because it is impossible.  We can ask for good and holy things and God may still say, “No” or “Not yet.”

And it doesn’t even have to be marriage.  Though this is what’s on my heart tonight (and a lot of nights), it could a hundred different things for us.  It all matters.  It’s all important.  There’s a verse that talks about God being concerned with that which concerns us.  It makes me feel better to know that whatever is burning in my heart is also burning in His.

What do we say when prayers are answered?  “God is so good.”  Right?  And He is.  But what about when things don’t work out the way we hoped or asked?  Is He any less good?

It’s easy to tie His goodness to our circumstances.  I think we’ve all done that.  But circumstances don’t reveal His goodness.  They do however, reveal His mystery.

Yet even in the mystery, I believe He is closer than the air which fills our lungs.  And it’s His presence, His constant presence that makes the mystery okay….bearable even.

We could find ourselves trying to juggle all of our unanswered questions and all of our unanswered prayers.  Tossing them in the air and grasping for something to hold onto.  And all along, they find their resting place in Him.

I pray we find our resting place in Him too.