I’ve always been one to clench my fists.  In fact, I usually sleep that way.  For quite a while now, the Lord has been working to open the hands of my heart…one by one peeling away each finger until the palm of my soul is exposed.  But now, I feel like He’s actually doing it with my real, physical hands.  And I don’t like it.

I happened to look down the other day and saw only knuckles, a ball of skin.  How often do I this, I thought?  Probably more than I realize…Since then, I’ve become more and more aware of this tendency, my tendency to grasp tightly.  Holding onto nothing for dear life.

There is an undeniable illusion of control (because it is just an illusion) that creates a feeling of safety.  Open hands feel vulnerable, which then perpetuates into anxiety.  And I’m walking around with what feels like “trust butterflies” in my belly.  Food doesn’t even taste the same.

I know what He’s up to.  I feel it.  He’s leading me into new seasons of trust.  New seasons of letting go.  New revelations of His sovereignty.  What’s funny is, this particular area of my life has genuinely felt like trust.  And perhaps it was for that season.  However, I now realize that if I continue to walk down my life path with clenched fists, it would actually look more like fear.

Fear is something with which I am well acquainted.  Aren’t we all to some extent?  When I think back to my childhood, my earliest memories involve feeling afraid.  So, fear has been a close enemy for literally as long as I can remember.

I know fear is a prison.  But sometimes, feeling locked away behind metaphorical bars, away from the world and away from what scares you, feels less like prison and more like home.  Perhaps it’s time to see this for what it is and claim some victory over it in Jesus’ name.

Victory doesn’t always happen overnight.  It can…but I’ve personally found it’s sometimes the smallest of victories that leads to slightly bigger triumphs.  The defeat cycle continues, so on and so on until suddenly, and not so suddenly, mountains are shifting.  The earth begins to shake and rocks start to crumble until mountains are full on moving.  Honestly, my friends-fear definitely feels like a mountain.  A big one.  And it’s not something I can move on my own.

Thank goodness…if I tried to do it in my own strength, I would be left exhausted and weak, maybe even losing parts of myself in the process.  Beloveds, trust requires open hands, meaning we’re not even lifting a finger here.  It’s complete surrender to the Father and trusting Him to do the hard work.  It will not be easy, I am confident of that.  But then again, I think trust is rarely easy…

I leave you with this verse…it’s an easy one to memorize.  I for one, am keeping it on mental repeat.

Psalm 31:14

“But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.”