From the time we are children we are taught, good behavior leads to good things.  Good things such as gold stars, certificates, trophies, even cash are sure to come our way if we follow the rules.  And who of us would forego said reward?  I certainly wouldn’t be the one to push it away with words like, “Oh, I just couldn’t.”  No, I’m afraid I would be the one with arms and hands wide open, just waiting for my turn to get what I deserved.

A couple of weeks ago I sat in church with my usual pen and notebook.  I learn best when I write things down and there is some sort of connection between the written word and my brain.  I remember taking notes, focused with my head down.  My pastor said something that literally made my pen stop in mid-sentence.  All at once the heaviness of conviction began to settle over me and I was speechless…word-less…  I set my pen down and thought back to an earlier conversation I had with God.  And I closed my eyes for a heart prayer of repentance.

Because it wasn’t long ago that I sat in my car and told my Heavenly Father that it was my turn.  “It’s my turn God,” I said.  “It’s my turn to get married…my turn to have a family…my turn to be healed.”  I also regret this may have all been said with something louder than an “inside voice.”  I was angry, frustrated, and indignant to name a few.  I was tired of unanswered prayers and I was weary from the wait.

I’m not proud of this moment.  But I share this with you, my friend because I think we’ve all been there a time or two.  Haven’t we?  We want what we want, when we want it.  And if we’re just good enough, God will surely give it to us.  So we follow the rules.  We go to church, read our Bibles, give money to hungry children in third world countries, and perhaps even shake our heads at the mere thought of an R-rated movie.

When did I start thinking God owed me anything?  When did I start believing I could somehow place the Creator of the entire universe in my debt?  Why do I think any of my prayers deserve to be answered?

There’s a story in the Bible of a wayward son.  He squanders his inheritance and lives a life of disgrace.  But the minute he goes crawling back to daddy, all is made right again.  There is mention of clothing meant for royalty and an extravagant party.  All in his honor.  But if I can be honest, I have never quite identified with this guy.  Sure, we are all the “prodigal son” and we are welcomed into the arms of our Father when we mess up.  Yes, I get that.  For the most part though, I feel like I’ve lived a good life.  I’ve done the right things.  Have I sinned?  My goodness, yes.  But I’ve always been the good girl and maybe there was a part of my heart that sympathized more with the prodigal son’s older brother.

This is his response: (Luke 15)

²⁸ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, ²⁹ but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ ³¹ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. ³² It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”

I love that his father came to get him.  I can almost picture the older brother standing next to the door.  I see him with his arms crossed, sour look on his face.  And the father leaves the party to “entreat,” or plead with him.  Isn’t this exactly like our God?  Coming for us right where we are, wallowing in our pig pens of entitlement?

The truth is, and this is the quote that stopped me in my note-taking tracks: “We don’t want what we really deserve.”  The harsh reality is, hell is what we really deserve.  Because we are sinners, all of us.  Even on our very best day, our “righteousness is like filthy rags.”  So, it’s not “my turn” for anything.  I may ask and ask and keep asking my Heavenly Father, and He may not grant those requests.  Does this make Him cruel?  Far from it my friend.  We have to hang onto the promise of His sovereignty and that He truly “works ALL things together for good.”  Yes, I know we say it a thousand times.  Does that make it any less true?

God owes us nothing.  But He gives us everything in His son Jesus Christ.  Because of Jesus and his work on the cross, our needs are met in him.  No, life is not fair and we were never promised fair.  But whether we are the son or the older brother, our Father will always come to get us.  And one day, it will all be worth it.