Do you ever wake up feeling heavy? Not physically heavy, though let’s be real, that happens too, amen? No, I’m talking about the heaviness that comes from the weight of worry…from disappointment that seems to be lurking around every corner…from loneliness…from fear. We could compile quite a laundry list I’m sure.

This was me this morning. So heavy that I couldn’t even get to church. I just sat in my living room, listened to praise and worship and grabbed my journal. I’ve always loved to write. It’s how I express what I tend to keep bottled up inside. So this is what I do when the heaviness comes, so real that it’s almost tangible. I write myself a letter of Truth.

I started with scripture. And I wrote it over and over until it began to sink into my clouded heart.

Psalm 43:5 NLT

“Why am I so discouraged Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my Savior and my God! (italics mine)

Psalm 43:5 ESV

“Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my Salvation and my God.” (italics mine)

Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

“For I know the plans I have for you, “says the Lord.” They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (italics and emphasis mine)

Jeremiah 29:11 God’s Word Translation

“I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.” (italics mine)

Even now, as I type out what I’ve already written down, my heart begins to lift even more. His Word my friend, is such a gift. It is water to my thirsty soul. It is food for my hungry spirit.

And then I started to speak Truth to myself. Reminding my heart that God is in control and I am NOT…that He is enough. Always enough. Enough for my unanswered prayers. Enough for my worry and my fear. Enough for my loneliness.

My hope has to be rooted in my faith, which as scripture tells us, goes far beyond what our eyes can see. Our emotions are so fleeting, are they not? On top of the world, rejoicing from the mountaintop one minute…and feeling like you’re at the very bottom, deep in the lowest point of the valley. In the driest desert…

But here is what I know-my circumstances and how I feel do not change His goodness…or His faithfulness. Or the promise of His presence. And isn’t it in the hardship that we learn most about who He is? (It’s definitely where we see how much we need Him). It is through experience that we learn. And when we experience the uncertainties and the trials of this life (because we ALL will), I believe we will also experience His power and His presence.

Easy was never promised. Explanation was never promised. But it WAS promised that He would never leave us. The promise and sufficiency of His presence…This is what I have to cling to. Because I know how the story ends. It ends with Jesus. And He’s waiting for us.